


i built your walls around me

by morgoat



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Love Island AU, M/M, OT5 Friendship (One Direction), Pining, Reality TV
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:33:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28189257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morgoat/pseuds/morgoat
Summary: Louis has a guilty habit of watching Love Island, which is all fine and dandy until Niall coerces him to actually apply.Love Island AU where Harry is sunshine personified, Louis isstraight, thank-you-very-much, and the whole country is watching.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 11
Kudos: 37





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okayyyyy so this is a very, very self indulgent fic brought on by my recent love island binge session with my housemates. If you're super familiar with the villa/love island setup, I'm sorry but I took a lot of creative liberties, aka I made a lot of shit up. Just roll with it? 
> 
> This is the first time that I've tried writing a fic, so any feedback is much appreciated.

Louis Tomlinson has never been the sort of person who takes reality television seriously. He knows it’s rubbish; it’s _made_ to be rubbish, and anyone who genuinely gives a shit about who’s getting a rose from whom can get the hell out of his life, as far as he’s concerned. So the fact that he’s ended up as a contestant on Love Island is a bit… well, mind boggling, to say the least.

It all started with Niall. Of course it did. Louis may not take reality TV seriously, but he did have a bit of an unhealthy addiction to Love Island. Just to take the piss out of everyone on it, obviously. It was entertaining, in a trashy, thank-god-my-life-isn’t-like-this kind of way. He was in the middle of a particularly long Love Island marathon, licking chip grease off his fingers, when Niall walked into the flat.

“Oi, Tommo, are ye still on this?” Niall shouted, his loud Irish accent taking up all the space in the room.

“Yes, Niall, and shut up, Rebecca’s about to choose Cam in the recoupling! It’s juicy stuff, I’m telling you, mate.”

Niall took one look at the television screen and shook his head, grinning. “This shit is garbage, dunno why you bother with it.”

“I _know_ it’s garbage, Niall. Therein lies the beauty.” Louis spread his arms theatrically, as if it gave credibility to his statement.

“Bet you’d do well on that show,” Niall commented offhandedly, reaching his hands out to grab some of Louis’ discarded chips.

“ _Me_?” Louis scoffed. “As if.”

Niall was already pulling out his laptop. “Ooh, look, you can apply online! Come on mate! Just for fun. Just to see if they’d even cast ye.”

Louis had refused point blank, knowing that the chances of him getting a spot on the show were slim to none, and besides, why would he want to be branded as the Love Island guy for the rest of his young life? But Niall persisted, and persisted, and persisted. Eventually, Louis agreed just to shut him up.

“Good,” Niall said when Louis finally gave in. “Because I’ve already filled out your application form.” He gave a cheeky grin when he saw the dismay on Louis’ face. “Knew you’d give in eventually. This’ll be a right laugh!”

He never expected to actually get cast.

* * *

A week before filming officially started, Louis had to go to “the studio” for the entrance interview. It was excruciating. Louis was shoved into a dressing room, told to put on an outfit he’d never be caught dead in, and had to sit in a chair talking himself up. He knew his stance was awkward, and anyone watching could probably tell how uncomfortable he was from body language alone. A screen behind him showed random shots of his instagram; mainly whatever selfies he’d posted in the last three years. Every moment of it made him second guess his choice to come on the show. 

For one particularly humiliating segment, a camera was set up low to the ground, angled upwards. One of the producers told him to do whatever came to mind; a dance move, a pose, a cheeky little hip thrust. Louis couldn’t remember what he’d ended up doing, but he was pretty certain it would not shed a positive light on him. He cringed to think of everything that had been said in that room, and wished more than anything that he could find the footage and delete it before it could ever see the light of day.

_My name is Louis Tomlinson, and my type is… um... I like girls who… eat carrots!_

No amount of money would be enough to make him watch it back. 

* * *

**Day 1**

Louis had spent an ungodly amount of time in hair and makeup, getting ready for his big debut entrance, or whatever. He cringed to imagine what his family and friends would think when they watched him make an absolute fool of himself on national television; they’d already taken the piss out of him enough in the weeks leading up to filming. He was beginning to regret all of the times he’d talked shit about the people on the show. He was actually quite impressed with them for managing to speak full sentences without having a full-on panic attack. It was weird, worrying about how the general public was going to perceive you. Who knew, maybe they’d edit everything he said to seem horribly douchey.

Body wracked with nerves, Louis waited in a beach hut outside the villa until the producers were ready for him. He’d had plenty of time to psych himself up -- too much, probably. At this point, he was leaning more towards psyching himself out. _No backing out now_ , he thought. In the back of his mind, he saw Niall laughing hysterically at him. He shook his head and smiled wryly, thinking of his friend. What would Niall say right now? Probably something along the lines of _“You’re basically getting an all expenses paid vacation, stop cryin’ about it, ye tosser.”_ He let out an unexpected huff of laughter, and felt himself relax slightly. “Fuck it,” he muttered under his breath. He’d just play it up for Niall, and soon enough he’d be home and they’d laugh about it, and it’d all be a fond memory. Who cared what the public thought of him? 

“Louis, you’re on!” 

Fucking shit. Okay. Moment of truth. He plastered on a smile and exited the hut, nodding to the producer. 

“Alright, so we’re gonna have cameras on you, make sure you _don’t_ look directly at them. Go up those stairs, and wait for Laura to say your name. Then, just walk into the villa, smile, and be yourself! You’ll do great.” The producer, a tall, slightly frazzled looking woman, gave Louis what she probably thought to be an encouraging smile and a thumbs up, and gestured for him to begin walking.

Louis nodded and took a deep breath. This was totally fine. Easy peasy. Just walk into the multimillion dollar villa, be unabashedly charming, and choose a beautiful girl to couple up with while an entire camera crew looked on. No big deal. 

He started up the stairs that led to the back of the villa. There wouldn’t be any cameras on him until he turned the corner, and he was grateful for the brief reprieve. Suddenly, the nerves gave way to nervous giddiness, and he grinned. Whatever happened, this would be exciting. At the very least, it would make for a good story.

Louis turned the corner when he heard his name, the grin still on his face, and made his way to the girls. There were what felt like a million cameras, and as he approached the host of the show, Laura Whitmore, he felt the nerves creep back in. 

Laura was dressed to the nines, in a light blue body-con dress and four inch heels. Louis reached out to shake her hand.

“Alright love?” He said politely. His eyes crinkled as he smiled.

“Hello Louis, welcome to the villa!” Laura greeted him, smiling warmly. She gave off the distinct air of “television personality”, and he felt even more oafish standing beside her. “Are you ready for this?”

“I hope so,” Louis said honestly, clasping his hands in front of him. This felt awkward. Like the girls were being auctioned off. Or maybe he was the one being auctioned. He tried desperately to keep his eyes from wandering to the cameras or the crew. There were easily a dozen people motioning to one another, moving things around, and making it increasingly difficult for Louis to focus on what he was supposed to be doing or saying. Nobody ever talks about how challenging it is to keep your wits about you while things are constantly happening in the background. He hoped it was something he’d get used to. Louis set his jaw and looked at the scene before him. 

There were five women standing in front of him, all clad in expensive looking bikinis and ridiculous heels. They were absolutely gorgeous. One of the women was paired off with a man that looked like he hopped straight off the cover of GQ. His hair was black, done up in a quiff, and light stubble grazed his chin and cheekbones.

“Well, we’ve got five beautiful ladies in front of you. We’ve already got one couple,” Laura said, gesturing to the woman paired with the Adonis lookalike. “Zayn and Amy. However, you can choose to couple up with any of the five girls. So, if you want to go for Amy, you can steal her.”

“I dunno,” Louis mused, looking at Zayn. “I reckon he could definitely beat me up, wouldn’t want to get off on the wrong foot with that one.”

That brought a couple chuckles out of the people standing in front of him, and Louis relaxed a bit. He was in his element here; he could bring the cheekiness.

Laura continued as if Louis hadn’t spoken. “Alright Louis, we’re about to find out which of these five girls fancy you. Girls, if you like the look of Louis, step forward.”

There was a pause, and Louis held his breath. God, it would be embarrassing if no one stepped forward. Mortifying. He’d seen it happen to other blokes on the show, and the secondhand embarrassment always drove him to stuff his face with chips(lmao idk). Before he could properly work himself into a panic, one of the girls stepped forward.

The girl was blonde, with skin like porcelain and curves in all the right places. She looked around in surprise. “Just me, really?” 

The other girls shrugged and giggled, moving around awkwardly. God, if he thought it was uncomfortable to watch this part of the show, it was a hundred times worse to experience it. It was so put on; everything about it felt inauthentic. It was kind of like Tinder in real life, with the addition of thousands of spectators and people controlling your every move. None of the girls looked comfortable, and that wasn’t for lack of trying. Honestly, Louis often skipped the first episode of the season just to avoid watching this bit. 

Laura smiled again. She was like a robot. A beautiful, television robot. “Alright, so Perrie’s stepped forward for you, but remember: you can choose any of the girls. Before you choose, I’m gonna ask -- Cara, why didn’t you step forward?”

A tall girl in a white bikini smiled awkwardly. “Sorry, I think I might just be a bit tall for you?”

Another girl nodded. “It was just height for me as well. Nothing bad about you!”

Louis scoffed and stood on his tiptoes. “Dunno what you lot are on about, I’m big! Besides, we’re all the same height lying down, innit.” Louis bit his tongue. Maybe a little bit too cheeky. There was a smattering of laughter, and it sounded forced to Louis’ ears. Surprisingly, it gave him more confidence; everyone else seemed just as nervous as him. He could deal with that.

“Alright, Perrie, why did you step forward?” Laura asked. 

“He seems quite cheeky, which I like,” Perrie answered. “He's pretty, as well. And I’m five foot four, so height’s not really an issue for me.”

Laura turned to Louis. “Well, Louis, it’s down to you. You can choose Perrie, or you can choose any of the other four girls standing in front of you. What’ll it be?”

Louis turned to give the girls a once over. “Well, I’m going Perrie obviously, aren’t I? She seems lovely.” She did. All of the girls seemed lovely at first glance. That was no way to tell how well you’d get on with someone, though. 

Laura gestured for Louis to go stand next to Perrie. “Well, off you go then! We now have two beautiful couples.”

Louis went to stand beside Perrie, and she turned to give him a hug. “Alright, love?” He said in greeting. He turned back to face Laura, and put his arm around Perrie gently as they waited for the next guy to come out. He subtly glanced down at her. Perrie didn’t seem half bad really, and they did have a good bit of banter going already. If nothing else, at least she seemed quite normal and easy to talk to. He began to consider the possibility of the new bloke swiping her and found himself getting a bit antsy.

* * *

On TV, the introductions seem quick and easy. In reality, the lot of them were forced to stand in the blazing sun for hours while everything got worked out behind the scenes. At the end of it, there were ten strangers, all coupled up, forced to awkwardly stand around and make small talk. 

Nobody ended up stealing Perrie, which was a relief. Moreso once Louis got to know her a little bit; she was a right laugh, not afraid to take the piss out of anyone around her. Louis warmed up to her immediately. She’d taken her heels off halfway through the introductions, and cussed out the first crew member that tried to make her put them back on. Yeah, Louis could definitely get used to Perrie.

He was surprised that things didn’t feel as uncomfortable as he expected, being around 24/7 camera surveillance. After a few hours, they got easier to ignore. He really was essentially on a free vacation, and when he thought about it that way, the nerves slowly started to slip away again. 

After Laura departed, likely to catch the next flight out of Spain, the islanders were free to explore the villa. Ed, a pale, stocky ginger man with glasses, seemed to be the most eager out of the contestants. He took the lead in guiding the group through a tour of the villa with a series of whoops and excited shouts. 

Harry, another of the blokes, paused to admire the outdoor kitchen. His partner, Kendall, tried dragging him away to follow the rest of the group, but he shook her off, telling her he’d catch up. Louis, not wanting to be left behind, followed closely behind Perrie. 

“This is sick,” he whispered to her. Perrie looked up at him, eyes shining. 

“I know. It’s fucking massive. Can you believe we’re staying here?”

When they entered the bedroom, everyone rushed to find the pillow with their name. There were seven beds lined up against one wall, and Louis swallowed. He forgot that he’d be sleeping in the same room as nine other people, sleeping in the same _bed_ as Perrie. Christ. This was gonna be weird.

They were expected to spend some time the first day getting to know their new partners, so everyone had paired off and found a secluded area to chat. This would be make or break for some of the couples; he wondered who would get on.

“Which couples do you reckon will get on, based off first impressions?” Louis voiced aloud to Perrie. They were sat at the edge of the pool, Perrie’s bare legs submerged under the water. They’d covered all the basic small talk, work, family, hopes and dreams and all that. Louis wanted to get to the juicy stuff. 

Perry blew out a breath. She hummed, thoughtful. “Aside from us? The power couple? Based off first impressions I’d say Cara and Ed will get along well. Kendall and Harry seem well matched, at least in looks. God, they’re both so gorgeous it hurts to look at.” Louis laughed at that, and she continued. “Megan and Liam, who knows. Liam looks like a puppy dog, she might eat him alive.” 

“I like Zayn and Amy, too.” Louis said, nodding his head to where they were sat on the daybeds just across the pool. Perrie nodded her agreement, kicking her feet around in the water. 

“God, I’m so glad I won’t have any awkward silences with you,” Perrie gave a wry smile. “I feel like we both talk enough for two people, so I reckon one of us will always be spouting our mouths off about something.”

“I resent that,” Louis sniffed, looking away in mock offence. “I’ll have you know I’m quite a chilled guy. I… meditate.”

“Sure you do,” Perrie said, patting his knee placatingly. 

The rest of the day was spent getting to know the other islanders. _Islanders._ God. As if going to a luxurious villa to film a trashy reality show made any of them _islanders._ Louis sat outside on one of the beanbag chairs, Perrie close beside him. They’d formed a little group with Zayn, Amy, Harry and Kendall, and Louis was surprised to find that he was thoroughly enjoying himself. 

He found that he quite liked Zayn, although he was a bit of an enigma to Louis. Zayn was quiet, but Louis was pretty sure he wasn’t shy. Maybe a little reserved. He couldn’t tell if Zayn was always like that, or if it just took him a little while to come out of his shell. He looked like he was always thinking about something, wordlessly reflecting in that beautiful head of his. _Pensive_. That was a good word for him. Pensive.

If Amy was put out by Zayn’s restrained nature, it didn’t show. She’d busied herself trying to teach Zayn to braid Perrie’s hair, which he was failing spectacularly at. Louis smiled to himself. He could already see himself being friends with most of these people outside the villa, which was an unexpected surprise. They were much more down to earth than he’d expected, and he was finding himself drawn to almost all of them. Especially Harry.

Louis could already tell he and Harry would get on. He was a bit ridiculous. Every time he walked, he stumbled over his own long legs, which made him red and flustered. His laugh was contagious, a big honking thing, and Louis found himself giggling every time Harry let one out. His dark brown curls fell nearly to his shoulders, and every time he smiled, dimples peeked out of his cheeks. His mouth was large, too big for his face, but it somehow worked for him. He didn’t take himself too seriously, which was refreshing in the face of so many serious, influencer types.

Kendall, on the other hand…

Louis could already tell that Kendall would grate on his nerves. She was nice enough, but he’d had one conversation with her, and couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen such a shameless display of vapidity. He couldn’t stand when girls purposely played dumb to get a guy’s attention. Clearly, Harry wasn’t that into it either.

Instead of trying to engage Kendall in conversation, Harry had spent the last ten minutes making stupid faces at Louis. It had started when Louis’ began complaining about the fact that all the grass in the villa was fake. Who wants to sit on fake grass? He was halfway through his rant (which was very eloquent and well thought out, thank you very much), when Harry slowly stuck out his tongue and crossed his eyes in Louis’ direction. For some reason, Louis couldn’t keep it together after that. Harry was clearly pleased that he’d managed to make Louis laugh, which only made him want to laugh harder. He was in stitches next to Perrie. Perrie looked at him like he was crazy, and he knew he and Harry were both acting like children, but he’d challenge anyone to spend five minutes in the presence of this curly headed boy and not want to giggle uncontrollably.

It was late afternoon when Louis heard a loud screech from across the villa. 

“I got a text!” It was Kendall. 

Everyone crowded around as Kendall began to read. “Islanders, don’t get too comfortable -- a new arrival is making their way into the villa!” She squealed, jumping up and down.

There were shouts of anticipation and anxiety as people began speculating whether the new arrival would be a boy or a girl. Perrie clutched Louis’ arm like a lifeline. “Don’t get any ideas, mister.” She raised an eyebrow challengingly. 

“I’d never leave you, dearest.” Louis promised, patting the hand resting on his arm. “Besides, it’ll probably be a lad. If anyone’s going rogue, it’s you!” 

Perrie swatted at him, glaring in mock severity. “I’d never! We’re basically betrothed,” she grinned at him. They were being ridiculous; they’d known each other about six hours, and half of that was spent standing in near silence while crew people told them what to do. They hadn’t had an even slightly romantic moment; not that there was much of an opportunity, with everyone getting to know each other in the villa. 

Eventually, the girls broke off to have their own chat, and the boys went off to the large L shaped couch by the pool. It seemed they all wanted a chance to worry over who the new arrival would be without their partner breathing down their neck. Louis took a seat next to Harry, wriggling around on the ivory couch until he was decently comfortable. Zayn took the unoccupied space on Louis’ left, and Liam and Ed sat on the other side. Liam’s lips were pursed slightly, and he looked a bit green.

“Reckon the new person’s gonna be a bloke?” Ed said to break the silence. Louis sat quietly from his spot beside Harry and Zayn, thinking about the possibility of Perrie coupling up with a new guy. He really didn’t want to go through the process of having to get to know another girl; small talk bored the shit out of him. 

“With my luck? Yeah,” Liam spoke up, reclining his head and sighing. 

“Could be a girl, though,” Zayn mused, looking at Harry. “You could go for a new bird, I can tell you’re not really vibing with Kendall.”

Louis covered his mouth to hide a smile. That was an understatement. Every time Harry looked at Kendall, his face scrunched up as if he’d smelled something particularly unpleasant. He couldn’t hide his distaste to save his life. Kendall had clearly picked up on it, but her solution was to cling to Harry harder than ever, convinced that would somehow keep him by her side. 

Harry looked down at his hands, smiling uncomfortably. “Yeah, I mean…” He looked over at Louis, and Louis raised his eyebrows. For some reason, when Harry looked at Louis, Louis felt… Something. Something weird. He kind of wanted Harry to look away, and he kind of wanted him to keep looking. When they made eye contact, it wasn’t like Harry was looking _at_ him. It was like he saw straight through Louis, straight into him. It did something really fucking weird to Louis, and his stomach flipped. “Wouldn’t mind someone different, I guess.” 

As the day drew to a close and Louis watched crew members set up lights for the night, he found himself replaying that moment in his head. Nothing else weird had happened the rest of the day; no more weird fluttery tummy feelings, nothing out of the ordinary. Harry was a good bloke, and Louis felt close to him despite their short time knowing each other. That’s all it was. Louis pushed the thought of Harry to the back of his mind, and turned his attention to Perrie. 

“Pez, I’m _bored_.” Louis whined. They were sitting by the fireplace, Perrie’s legs resting on top of his. She petted his fringe sympathetically. They had just had the traditional nighttime toast, all the islanders clinking glasses of wine together and cheering, forced into a brief dance party to make it look like they were having the time of their lives. It’s not like it was bad, it just felt weirdly disingenuous. Like none of it was real. Louis supposed he shouldn’t have expected anything else of a reality TV series, but during parts of the day, he’d been enjoying himself so much he’d nearly forgotten what he was doing here in the first place. 

Suddenly, there was a commotion at the front of the villa. It sounded like the new islander had just arrived. Perrie raised her eyebrows at Louis. “Looks like the cure for your boredom has just entered the villa.”


	2. Chapter 2

It was a bloke. The new arrival. His name was Mitch, and he was an absolute nightmare.

Okay, so he wasn’t that bad. He was actually quite charming, and he seemed like a genuine guy. But the girls were all instantly dazzled by him, and it made Louis feel uneasy. Even Harry seemed to be taken with the new islander, apparently unbothered by the thought that Mitch could be the reason Harry might leave the villa. Kendall was certainly loosening her grip, choosing instead to make eyes at Mitch, her intent clear. 

Louis was brought into a beach hut filled with cameras and crew to do his day one confessional. All of the islanders had to do this, at least once a day. Louis thought he would hate this part, but it wasn’t that bad. He was worried that his big mouth might get him in trouble, but it seemed pointless to worry about that, considering he was going to be in this villa for eight weeks. By then, everyone would be well acquainted with Louis’ tendency to put his foot in his mouth. 

A member of the production team rattled off questions for him to answer. She was a petite redhead with a pixie cut, her large glasses crooked on her face. She introduced herself as Nina. If Louis were being honest, she’s probably the reason he didn’t absolutely hate the whole process. She seemed like an actual human person, not just a Love Island robot whose sole purpose was to incite drama. 

“How’s it going so far?” She asked after the cameras had been turned off. “Truthfully. I know this place can be a bit of a culture shock.”

Louis looked her over carefully, trying to decide what to say. Nina may have seemed relatively human, but he knew that at the end of the day, she was a part of the machine that made Love Island work. “It’s… good.” That’s what he landed on. “Weird as hell, and kind of a mindfuck -- especially with the rule about no clocks. What’s that about? What, being able to tell time is gonna take away from our ability to find love, or whatever? Feels like we’re in an alternate dimension, or like, a vortex, or something.”

He hadn’t meant to say all of that, but it was kind of a relief. He wasn’t used to having cameras _constantly_ on him, following his every move. He hadn’t wanted to talk shit about the show too much, which had been… difficult, to say the least. Considering that’s all he did when he was watching from home. It felt good to speak freely.

Nina just laughed, not seeming surprised in the least at Louis’ outburst. “Yeah, it can be kind of brutal. The clock thing adds to the immersion of the villa experience. Like a casino.”

“I feel plenty immersed, thanks.” Louis grumbled, though he knew it was pointless. What were they going to do, change the rules because of one contestants’ whining?

“Buck up, champ,” Nina said, clapping him on the back. “You've got a ways to go yet.” 

* * *

The nighttime routine was quite an event. Louis never imagined he’d be stripping down to his pants on national television, but here he was. The girls crowded into their dressing room, wiping off their faces and gossiping about everything under the sun. There was a buzz of nervous anticipation in the air, everyone’s minds on the fact that they’d be sharing a bed with a near stranger in a scant half hour. Who was going in for a cheeky kiss? Which couples would cuddle, and which would scoot to the far end of the bed to avoid touching? Louis smirked at the thought, his mind on Harry. He would bet money that there would be no spooning for him and Kendall tonight. 

Louis was one of the first to approach the bedroom, quickly finding the pillow with his name on it and hopping into the bed. He’d made two cups of tea; one of them had been intended for Perrie, but when he saw Harry’s face light up at his arrival, Louis couldn’t resist handing him the cuppa. 

“Thanks Lou,” Harry had grinned, dimples on full display. He was shirtless, and Louis couldn’t help but stare at the tattoos littering his body. Harry had been shirtless all day, so why was this the first time Louis had noticed? He tore his eyes away and forced himself to walk past Harry, unable to resist pinching his bum in passing. 

“Anytime, sweetcheeks,” Louis responded, a smile fighting its way out of him. 

Now, in bed, Louis downed his tea quickly and forced his mind to other things. For instance, whether Perrie expected him to kiss her tonight. 

It’s not that he didn’t want to; it just didn’t really feel like the time. He tended to move slowly in relationships, and kissing her just didn’t feel right. He decided a cheeky cuddle would be enough for the first night, and let his thoughts wander to tomorrow.

Perrie hopped into bed beside Louis, raising her eyebrows in amusement. “I don’t usually bring a boy home on the first date,” she joked.

“Lucky we’re not at your home then,” Louis winked, looking her over.

Perrie was dressed in very short shorts and a thin t-shirt, and Louis felt like he should feel something, at the very least some sort of vague attraction, but he just… didn’t. He pushed the thought away, blaming his lack of interest on nerves and first day jitters.

“Lucky we haven’t actually gone on a date yet, either,” Perrie remarked, eyes glinting.

Louis had to replay the conversation in his head to remember what Perrie was talking about. Right, joking about being in bed together, okay. 

“Did you just ask me on a date, Pez?” Louis put his hand to his chest, faux shock written across his face.

“As if I’d ever ask you on a date, eugh,” Perrie said, shoving Louis and giggling. 

Louis smiled. Okay, everything was fine, they were having fun together and everything would be normal tomorrow. He’d cuddle up next to her tonight, and in the morning the feelings would come rushing back. A small voice in his head spoke up, questioning if there had ever been feelings to begin with. He ignored it.

* * *

**Day 2**

Louis’ arm was completely numb.

He blinked the sleep from his eyes and saw Perrie still fast asleep next to him, Louis’ arm trapped under her head. He untangled himself gently, careful not to wake her up, and crawled quietly out of the bed. Nearly everyone else was still asleep, in spite of the fact that the lights had been automatically switched on at some point (for all he knew, it was three in the morning. The no clocks thing was straight up psychological torture). He made his way to the kitchen.

Harry was at the stove, shirtless and cooking what looked to be enough eggs to feed an entire village. His hair was a mess, and he was swaying from side to side, dancing to a song in his head. Louis felt a soft smile tug at his lips. The boy was endearing.

“Oi, Harold, bulking up for the winter?” Louis asked, startling Harry and causing him to drop the spatula he’d been dancing with. 

“Louis!” Harry beamed, his entire face lighting up. Louis couldn’t fight a smile at Harry’s reaction, and he sidled up beside him. “I’m making eggs and bacon for everyone.” Harry explained, plating up a generous portion of scrambled eggs and a few slices of bacon and handing it to Louis. “Thought it would be nice to have a big group breakfast for the first morning.”

“What a gentleman,” Louis teased, tasting the eggs and giving an exaggerated moan of pleasure. Of course, that’s when Zayn and Ed walked in.

“What’s going on here?” Ed asked suspiciously. 

“Eggs!” Harry exclaimed, pushing plates into Ed and Zayn’s hands. They looked at each other and then at him, bemused. 

“Erm, thanks Harry,” Ed laughed, digging in. Zayn shrugged and sat at the dining table with his plate.

“So how was everyone’s night?” Zayn asked, spooning some eggs into his mouth and chewing slowly. He ate like a little bird, small bites and deliberate movements. 

“Good, man,” Ed grinned, raising his eyebrows suggestively. “What about you guys?”

“Yeah, fine,” Harry mumbled, running a hand through his long hair uncomfortably.

“Louis, saw you having a cheeky cuddle last night, did you go in for the kiss?” Ed made kissy faces at Louis and Louis rolled his eyes.

“Nah, mate, nothing happened.” Louis’ eyes drifted to Harry, who was watching him carefully. He surreptitiously wiped his mouth, wondering if he had food on his face or something. 

Ed sighed, clearly wanting juicier gossip. “Zayn, how are you and Amy going?”

“Dunno, I think she might have eyes for Mitch.” Zayn cast his eyes to his food, not saying anything else.

At that moment, the girls walked in, Mitch and Liam trailing behind. 

“Ooh, food!” Perrie trilled, running up to the island in the middle of the kitchen, where Harry had placed the rest of the bacon and eggs. 

“Help yourself,” Harry declared to the group at large, pouring himself a glass of orange juice and taking a seat next to Louis at the table. He bumped his leg into Louis’ briefly, and Louis smiled to himself. 

The rest of the day was spent in a flurry of chats, everyone getting to know each other a little better. Louis felt a sliver of guilt pool in his stomach, knowing that he should probably be spending more time with Perrie, but Harry had been taking up most of his time. He couldn’t help it; Harry was just  _ fun _ . He hadn’t enjoyed himself so much for ages, and if he spent half the day wrestling with Harry, taking turns tackling each other into the pool, who could blame him? They just got on really well, and though Louis never had a hard time making friends, he rarely felt drawn to people in this way. He wanted to take advantage of it while he could. Who knew what would happen at the next recoupling? 

The day went by quickly, much faster than the day before. It seemed like the afternoon had just begun, when all of a sudden the sun set and they were getting ready for the evening’s activities. 

Dinner had been a quiet affair; it was never shown on the telly, but catering was brought in each evening and everyone was allowed a brief respite from the constant nagging feeling of being watched by thousands of people. They were allowed to take their mic packs off, something that was rarely permitted. The only caveat was that they were monitored pretty heavily by the producers to ensure that they weren’t saying anything about their couplings, or anything that would make for good television. With potential conversation topics so limited, and first week nerves making a reappearance, everyone mostly kept to themselves during the meal. Louis, on the other hand, occupied himself by subtly throwing peas at the back of Zayn’s head, pretending to be oblivious when the dark haired man turned around, trying to locate the source of the attack. 

After the near silent meal, all of the islanders were told to get dolled up and sit by the firepit to play Never Have I Ever. Louis hadn’t played this game since uni, and although he knew it was a quick way for them to get to know each other’s dirty little secrets, he didn’t have much of an interest in it. Clearly, the producers didn’t give a fuck what he was or wasn’t interested in. He fiddled with his cup of wine, wishing he’d been allowed a beer instead. Wine made his head hurt. Perrie was sat by his side in a tight white dress and heels that looked terribly difficult to walk in, and he could feel the anticipation rolling off of her in waves. He tried not to roll his eyes. 

“Never have I ever…” Amy started. “...Had sex in a car.”

Louis drank. Who hadn’t had sex in a car at this point? Zayn, Cara and Mitch, apparently.

“Okay, okay. Never have I ever been intimate with someone...” Perrie said, mischief glinting in her eyes. “...of the same sex.”

Louis blinked and surreptitiously glanced at Harry, who put the glass to his mouth. Okay. Interesting. So Harry’s done…  _ something _ with a guy. Multiple guys? Whatever, it’s not like it mattered. Cara and Kendall drank too, giggling. 

“You haven’t, Ames?” Cara asked, aghast. “I thought everyone would drink for this one. The girls, at least.”

Amy shrugged. “I wouldn’t be opposed to it, I’ve just never been in a situation where it happened.”

“I kiss  _ all  _ of my girlfriends when I’m drunk,” Kendall said, as if it was some huge accomplishment.  _ Congratulations _ , Louis thought snidely to himself, and then felt kind of guilty. Maybe he should be nicer to Kendall. At least in his head. 

“Okay, never have I ever…” Mitch said, to move the game along. “Caught my parents having sex.”

Harry made a face and then took a drink. “Not a memory I’d like to relive, thanks.”

Everyone badgered him until he relented and told the story. “I was thirteen, and I walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water in the middle of the night… and there they were. On the floor.” Harry scrunched up his face in disgust. “Next question, please!” Louis was cackling on the bench across from him. Harry gave him a pointed look and he made a zipper motion over his lips. 

“Never have I ever been in love.” Louis said quietly after a few more rounds, clutching his wine tightly.

Everyone drank except for him. He figured that would be the case, but he didn’t expect the sympathetic looks everyone gave him. “Why are you all looking at me like that?” Louis groaned, putting a hand over his face. “It’s not that weird. And it’s not like being in love worked out for the lot of you, anyways.” He was being petty, but he wanted the attention  _ off  _ of him. Immediately. Harry stared at him, seeming to have a vested interest in his admission. He didn’t want Harry feeling bad for him. He didn’t want to feel like he was some sad sap who needed pity. He  _ didn’t _ need pity, not from anyone. Sure, he was a twenty-five year old man who’d never been in love -- so what? It’s not like he hadn’t been in relationships before. He’d just never gotten to that point. People said when you were in love, you’d know, and he just… hadn’t ever felt like he’d known. That was perfectly fine with him. 

Perrie just flicked him on the side of the head. He was much more on board with that reaction.

The game ended after a couple more rounds, the mood effectively killed after Louis’ little outburst. The bedtime routine was a little more relaxed after the first night, everyone a little more comfortable with each other. People always said that each day on Love Island felt like a month, but Louis never really understood that until now. He felt like he’d been at the villa for far longer than just two days, and he felt like he’d known these people for ages. He constantly had to remind himself that they were still near strangers; even Harry, who seemed like he might’ve always been in Louis’ life. 

The quiet forced Louis into his own head, and he was hit once again by the thought that he didn’t have any particularly romantic feelings for Perrie. He sat against the headboard, spiraling into his own panicked thoughts, when he felt a tap on his shoulder. Louis opened his eyes. Harry stood in front of him, two cups of tea in his hands. 

“Thought I’d return the favor from last night,” Harry said sheepishly. He had clearly spilled some of the tea on himself on the way to the bedroom; drops of liquid clung to his naked chest, making his pale skin glisten in the reflection of the overhead lights. Louis swallowed.

“Thanks, Curly,” he murmured softly, taking the offered mug of tea. He took a sip, and looked up in surprise. “How did you --”

“I watched you make your tea this morning. Not in a creepy way, I just. Saw how much milk you put in. No sugar.” Harry was babbling, and the corners of Louis’ mouth quirked up into a smile.

“It’s perfect.” 

* * *

**Day 3**

Louis woke up late the next morning. From the looks of it, all of the other islanders had already gotten up and started their day. Perrie’s side of the bed was cold. Louis stretched out his tired limbs, yawning loudly. It’s not like there was anyone for him to disturb.

He entered the kitchen to the sweet smell of pancakes and syrup. 

“Hi!” Harry grinned. He was always far too chipper in the morning. “Want some pancakes?”

Louis hummed, rubbing at his eyes. He still felt half asleep. “Are you going to make a habit of this? Cooking everyone breakfast? Not that I’m complaining, mind,” Louis reached around Harry for a plate, grabbing some pancakes and fruit to make his point.

Harry shrugged, looking down. “I don’t mind it. I like cooking, and it feels like a nice thing to do.”

_ A nice thing to do _ . Louis squeezed a generous amount of syrup onto his pancakes, avoiding Harry’s eyes. Harry was like the sun, and he feared if he looked at him now, he might be blinded. Harry was just  _ good _ . Special. Louis didn’t entirely blame Kendall for hanging onto him for dear life. Not that Louis thought of him in that way; he just happened to have eyes. 

* * *

After breakfast, Louis found himself on one of the colorful beanbag chairs surrounding the pool. Fake grass dug into his toes, and Perrie’s arms were wrapped loosely around his waist. She’d pulled him for a chat and sat herself right beside him, on the same beanbag. His arm was around her shoulder, and he absently stroked the skin there. “What’s up Pez?” Louis asked expectantly.

Perrie shrugged. “Just wanted to hang out for a bit, that’s all. Talk about stuff.” She looked as uncomfortable at the prospect as he felt. He knew they were expected to spend a lot of time talking about their feelings; they were told as much by the producers. The viewers wanted to know how all of the islanders’ couplings were going, without any guesswork involved. Not to mention that in the villa, with everything changing all the time, it  _ was  _ important to know where people stood.

“Stuff?” Louis nudged her leg, grinning playfully.

Perrie shoved him. “Yes, _stuff_ , you dick. I know we get on and everything, just wanted to like. See where your head’s at, with everything. Like…” She averted her eyes briefly. “There’s probably gonna be a new girl coming in soon, and I guess I wanted to… _debrief_.” She visibly cringed at her own wording. 

Louis’ grin softened. “Pez, you don’t have anything to worry about with a new girl coming in.” Perrie raised her eyebrows skeptically. Louis raised both his hands. “Serious. No matter what, like, I can’t imagine wanting to couple with anyone else.” 

Perrie looked up and smiled at him, hope dancing across her face. God, Louis was a dickhead. Guilt swept through him, and he tried to keep his face from betraying any of his emotions. It was true, he couldn’t imagine coupling with anyone else, but… He still didn’t really know how he felt. He could see with his own eyes how attractive she was, and she was funny and easy to get along with. Everything was there, so why did he feel so conflicted? An image of Harry flashed across his mind, and he blinked it away. No. Not going there, not right now. He refocused his attention on Perrie, who was hugging him, her face pressed into his chest.

“I really like you, Lou. You’re cool as hell, you know that?”

“Been told, once or twice.” Louis said, attempting to lighten the mood a bit. “I like you too, Pez.” He did. Just maybe not in the way she wanted him to. 

* * *

“Alright, Zaynie, what’s wrong?” Louis put his chin in his hands, looking at his friend expectantly. He and Zayn were sat on one of the daybeds in the villa, far enough from the other islanders so that no one would overhear them. Zayn had been pouting over here all day, and Louis had had enough. 

“Nothing.” Zayn said, then rubbed his hands over his face. “Amy said she wants to ‘keep her options open’.” He finally said, putting his fingers in quotes. “I’m just not very good at this whole thing. She’s been getting on with Mitch, and I think they’re probably pretty well suited for each other, if I’m honest.”

“Okay?” Louis said, raising his eyebrows. “So why don’t you crack on with someone else, then? Amy’s not the only fish in the sea. Or the villa, as it were.” 

“I know, I just. It’s frustrating, innit. We were getting on fine until Mitch came in, and now it’s all gone to shit.” Zayn blew out a breath, his jaw clenched.

“Mate, I know everything in here is heightened like, tenfold, but let’s put it into perspective, yeah? It’s only been two days. You’re basically still strangers, you know? Don’t feel like you have to put all your eggs in one basket.” Louis cringed inwardly at himself, unable to believe he’d just uttered those words. It’s part of what he made fun of when he watched Love Island at home -- the overuse of that analogy in this show drove him mad. Eggs and baskets. The villa’s clearly changed him already. 

Zayn nodded though, clearly not catching on to Louis’ inner turmoil. “I know. I’d just feel bad trying to break up any of the couples in here. They all seem pretty strong.” Louis raised a skeptical brow, but Zayn beat him to it. “No, I’m not going after Kendall.” Louis cackled, delighted that Zayn had caught on to his thought process.

“Well, I have been hearing around the villa that Cara might be interested in you…” Louis started, thinking about the wistful way she looked at Zayn when he wasn’t paying attention.

Zayn’s head snapped up at that, and a slow smile broke out onto his face. “Really?” 

Louis smirked. “Thatta boy, Zayner.” Louis patted Zayn on the back, relieved to be rid of the miserable, pouty version of Zayn that had emerged since Mitch came into the villa. “Go get her, handsome.”

Louis spent the rest of the day playing footie with Harry, who was surprisingly atrocious at the game. He stumbled over his own giraffe legs, and by the end of the game Louis was on the ground, breathless with laughter. It wasn’t long until there was a shout from the pool.

“I got a text!” Cara shouted, and everyone made their way over to her quickly.

“Islanders,” Cara read, “it’s time for your first challenge! Get ready to pop the cork on your sauciest secrets. Hashtag, pucker up!” 

The girls all let out shrieks of excitement, hopping up and down. The guys cheered, everyone pumped up and ready for the first challenge of the season. Louis wasn’t sure how he felt. He’d always seen the challenges as an unnecessary addition to the show, mostly because there were never any prizes given to the winners. He was a very competitive person by nature, but there had to be stakes for him to care. He knew he’d be kissing someone, which didn’t really bother him. He knew he was a good kisser. 

The islanders found themselves on a wooden platform near the villa, a giant bottle resting on a circular board with different colored segments. There was a chalkboard standing on an easel, a line down the middle dividing it into two sections: boys and girls. The rules were simple: For the girls’ turn, each girl would stand by a different colored segment, and one of them would spin the bottle. A secret about one of the boys would be read out, and whichever girl the bottle landed on would kiss the boy she thought the secret was about. For the boys’ turn, it was the opposite.

“Alright, girls first!” Mitch called out. As the newest arrival, he was the person chosen to read the cards out. 

The girls circled around the bottle, excitement clear in the air. Amy spun the bottle, and it landed on Cara.

“Okay, Cara! Kiss the boy that you think has had threesomes, foursomes, and fivesomes in the past.”

The boys “oohed.” The girls circled around Cara to discuss who they thought the secret was about. Louis rolled his neck and sighed. He was bored.

Cara nodded and walked over to the boys, grinning devilishly. She stopped in front of Zayn, and leaned in to kiss him. 

The kiss went on for a solid five seconds, and before Louis knew what he was doing, he was whooping. “Yes, mate! Get it in! That’s what I’m talking about!” Everyone was cracking up and cheering. Ed looked murderous. 

“That was incorrect!” Mitch yelled, grinning. “The correct answer was… Ed!” 

The next to go was Perrie.

“Alright, this boy once took a gig as a male stripper at a birthday party!” Mitch said loudly, raising his eyebrows at the other boys. 

Perrie took her time discussing with the other girls. They all giggled and patted her on the back, yelling “Go Pez!” 

She walked straight up to Harry, grinned, and kissed him. 

Louis didn’t know how to deal with the feelings that came up when Perrie kissed Harry. His stomach dropped. The kiss seemed to go on forever. Perrie had her hands in Harry’s hair. Louis’ hands clenched into fists, and he pressed his lips together. This was definitely jealousy. Full on, raging, monster in his belly jealousy. But he wasn’t sure it was the kind of jealousy he expected to feel, or wanted to feel. He didn’t think he’d care much if Perrie kissed any of the other blokes in the lineup, but Harry. It was Harry. Harry was special. And he shouldn’t be kissing Perrie.

_ Fuck. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiii, thank you so much for reading! I wasn't really expecting anyone to read this, I kind of just posted the first chapter on a whim. Please leave comments if you feel so inclined, I love them and it makes me want to keep writing :) 
> 
> Question - what do you think about the chapter length? It felt like a good ending point, but I haven't blocked out the chapters and wasn't sure. Feedback is much appreciated.


	3. Chapter 3

His head was a mess for the rest of the game. He vaguely remembered giving Kendall a halfhearted cheek kiss when it was his turn, but he pretty much tuned out for the rest of it. Was he  _ into  _ Harry? No, he couldn’t be. He was straight. One hundred percent. It must have been some weird sort of friendship protectiveness. Maybe he just didn’t want them close because he wanted both Harry and Perrie all to himself. Harry as a friend, obviously. He had to let this go.

_ Letting it go _ had worked for all of five seconds. When they got back to the villa, he sat by himself on one of the L shaped couches outside. He hoped he wouldn’t be shown like this on the telly. He knew his face was probably white as a sheet, and he really didn’t want to be seen like this. Not only because it would look strange, but because it just felt... invasive. He couldn’t stop mulling it all over in his head. What in the holy hell were these feelings? He ran a hand over his face and chalked it up to the intense emotions the villa brought out in everyone. Everything was heightened in here, it made sense. 

Nothing made sense. God. Louis was losing it. 

Just then, Harry’s curly head appeared over the top of the couch. “Lou,” he whispered. “Come with me.”

Louis paused, but only for a moment. His curiosity got the better of him. He stood up and immediately went to follow Harry. “Where are we going?” He whispered back as Harry led him out past the workout area. Oh god, what if Harry noticed how weird he’d acted when Perrie kissed him? What if -- but no, Harry was practically gleeful as he led Louis around the chairs by the daybeds. 

“I found a cat!” Harry crooned softly, crouching and pointing behind the chair. The cat was laying on its side lazily, apparently undisturbed by the giant baby that was Harry Styles. “Isn’t she perfect?”

Louis smiled despite himself. “She’s quite something. What’s her name?” He was speaking how he would to his four year old sister, indulging him. 

Harry hummed, thinking it over. “Cleopatra. Cleo for short.”

“She does look quite like a Cleopatra.” She was white, with a spot of black on her nose and ears. Louis reached his hand out, and Cleo purred, nuzzling him. 

“She likes you!” Harry exclaimed, delighted. 

Louis couldn’t deny his own delight at Cleo’s affection. He’d never been much of a cat person, but this one charmed him immediately. He sat down and she crawled straight into his lap. Harry cooed, his eyes going soft. “She’s perfect.” Louis couldn’t help but agree. 

“Did we just adopt a stray cat together?” Louis asked, staring down at the soft little creature in his lap. She was purring incessantly, and it tugged at his heartstrings. 

“Absolutely we did.” Harry responded, sounding nearly euphoric. He scratched Cleo behind the ears and she nuzzled into his hand. Harry made an oddly high pitched sound, obviously pleased. In that moment, Louis nearly forgot his earlier panic entirely.

So Harry was a cat person. Noted. 

* * *

That night, Mitch got to choose who he wanted to couple up with. Everyone crowded around the firepit, nervous energy buzzing through the air. Mitch stood in front of the islanders, and took a breath.

“I’d like to couple up with this girl because… I feel like I’ve gotten to know her a bit over the past twenty four hours, and we get on really well. She makes me laugh, and she’s just a really cool girl. So, erm… Amy.” 

Amy gave a soft squeal of delight, then squeezed Zayn’s arm sympathetically. She got up to hug Mitch, and he whispered something in her ear that made her giggle.

Louis looked over at Zayn, who gave a weak smile. Louis sent him a subtle thumbs up sign, trying to check if he was okay. Zayn shrugged and nodded. 

Kendall looked rather put out, too. Apparently she actually thought Mitch might choose her. Louis couldn’t say why; he was pretty sure Mitch had avoided Kendall every time she so much as breathed near him. 

As soon as the crowd dispersed, Louis sought out Zayn. “All good, mate?” He asked, dreading the return of pouty Zayn. He didn’t want to have to introduce him to Cleo, but he would. For the sake of his mental wellbeing. After the afternoon he’d had, he was fully convinced that Cleo was a panacea. At least for Love Island induced panic attacks.

“Yeah, it’s fine. Honestly, I’m happy for them.” He looked around to make sure they weren’t being overheard. “Cara came up to me earlier and told me she wanted to get to know me. So.”

Louis grinned, patting Zayn on the back. “Mate, I’m pretty sure she knew that secret wasn’t yours in the challenge earlier. She just wanted to kiss you. Basically snogged the life out of you.” 

Zayn hid a smile behind his hand. “Yeah, alright.”

The third night in the villa, and Louis felt like he’d been there for years. Zayn was in a bed by himself tonight, and Louis was tempted to join him so he wouldn’t have to spoon Perrie again. He felt guilty as soon as the thought entered his head. 

He liked Perrie a lot; it wasn’t her fault he was having this weird existential crisis. He couldn’t even talk to anyone about it because everything he said was being broadcast on national fucking television. He didn’t want to share a bed with Perrie tonight, not because she wasn’t lovely, but because of the constant pressure that he felt following him around. He knew she expected him to kiss her. If not tonight, then tomorrow. It just felt like too much. Everything was too much. 

Louis brushed his teeth quickly, dressed down to his boxers and a t-shirt, and headed into the bedroom. Megs and Liam were playing scrabble in bed (dirty scrabble, from the sound of it) and Ed was already sprawled out on his mattress. Cara looked slightly annoyed, but she just moved him over a bit and crawled in next to him. Harry appeared from behind the doorway, two cups of tea in his hands. He lit up when he saw Louis, and walked over to him. 

“Tea?” Harry held out the mug.

"Déjà vu, Harry.” Louis quirked an eyebrow at the offer, but took the tea. He took a sip, and let out a satisfied sigh. “It’s perfect. Thanks, mate.”

Harry grinned, looking pleased with himself. “I don’t like to sleep without a cuppa.”

“Me neither,” Louis admitted, taking another sip of the tea. He patted the bed next to him. “Come sit, Hazza?”

Harry sat cross legged on the bed, facing Louis. Louis knew he was tempting fate by inviting Harry into his bed, but every part of him was screaming  _ fuck it _ . 

Most of their time together had been spent goofing off or having inane conversations about nothing in particular. Louis wanted to know things about Harry, wanted to know everything about him. He sipped his tea, trying not to look below Harry’s eyes. He was afraid he’d end up looking at his lips, or his chest, or his abs or tattoos or something similarly embarrassing.

“Harold.” Louis began.

“Lou.” Harry responded, mimicking Louis’ serious tone.

“What’s your mum’s name?” Louis asked.

Harry gave a bemused smile. “Uh, Anne. Why?”

Louis shrugged, pulling absently at a loose thread on his t-shirt. “Just wondering. Do you have siblings?”

Harry paused. “One. My older sister, Gemma. Is this an interrogation?”

“ _ No,”  _ Louis scoffed. “I just. Want to know things.”

“Oh.” Harry said. “Well… What’s your mum’s name?”

Louis gave a wry smile. “Johannah. She goes by Jay though. And before you ask, yes, I have six siblings. Five sisters and a brother.”

“Jesus fucking… That’s a lot of siblings.” Harry said, his eyes wide. 

Louis smirked. “Yeah. Two sets of twins.”

“ _ Two  _ sets of twins? Those are some impressive genes,” Harry raised an eyebrow. “Maybe you’ll have twins. If you, y’know, decide to have kids.” 

Louis hummed noncommittally. He wasn’t sure what his stance on kids was, and he didn’t really want to get into that particular line of thinking at the moment. 

“What do you do for work?” Louis asked instead.

“I work at my step-dad’s auto shop.” 

Louis narrowed his eyes and tilted his head. “Huh. Wouldn’t have pegged you as a mechanic.”

“What, am I not manly enough for you?” Harry joked, pinching Louis’ nipple and causing him to let out an undignified yelp. 

Louis glared at Harry in mock fury, rubbing at his nipple. “You’re plenty manly, Curly. Just… wouldn’t have guessed it, that’s all.”

“Well, I’m also going to culinary school. So.”

Louis’ eyes lit up. “Ah, so that’s why your eggs taste like heaven on a plate! It all makes sense now,” he smiled grandly, his eyes crinkling at the corners. 

Harry’s ears turned pink, and he was trying to hide a pleased smile. Louis’ smile only grew. 

The two of them asked each other question after question about the others’ life until Perrie waltzed into the bedroom, effectively kicking Harry out of their bed and halting the conversation.

“Night, Lou!” Harry sang out as he fell into his own bed, blowing him a kiss and grinning. Louis rolled his eyes, but he was secretly delighted.

“Goodnight, Curly McCurlykins,” Louis replied, and some of the other islanders groaned at them. 

“You two are weird,” Ed grumbled.

“Don’t try to kill the bromance!” Megan chastised him. “I think it’s beautiful.”

Later, while Louis lay spooning Perrie, he felt a quiet sadness creep up on him. He wondered about the word bromance, and he wondered if that was what he and Harry had. He didn’t know how to make sense of all of everything he was feeling, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to. It would be easier to just pretend. At least here. Now. 

* * *

**Day 4**

Louis woke up before the sun. He’d tossed and turned all night, and Perrie had eventually pushed him away from her, mumbling obscenities under her breath. His sleep was fitful, to say the least. He had woken up a few times in the middle of the night, and hadn’t had an easy time falling back asleep. 

He figured it was close enough to morning by now for him to get out of bed, even though no one else was awake. He couldn’t stand it anymore; he knew he wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep. 

He padded quietly to the bathroom, brushing his teeth and turning on the shower. It was weird as hell, showering in the villa. He’d had to get used to people wandering in and out of the bathroom while he showered, chatting with each other and generally not giving a fuck. At the villa, privacy was a thing of the past. 

He knew the cameras were still on him, but this was the first time he felt proper alone in days. It was a bit of a relief, getting some peace and quiet. That was a rare thing here. 

It’s not that he disliked being around the people in the villa; on the contrary, he got on quite well with most of them. He didn’t even mind being constantly surrounded by people, for the most part. He was a textbook extrovert, being social is what drove him. But right now, exhaustion seeping deep into his bones, and his head all over the place, he wanted nothing more than to be alone. 

He missed his flat. He missed Niall, he missed not having to watch what he said for fear of what thousands of people would think. He really fucking missed his real life. He closed his eyes and let the hot water pour over him, wishing he could just turn off his brain for a few minutes. 

Louis was fully aware of the fact that he could leave the show if he truly wanted to, but he didn’t want to. Not really. He was just… having a tough go of it this morning. He thought of the production member who’d interviewed him for his confessionals. Nina. What had she said that first day?  _ It can be kind of brutal _ . He let out a harsh laugh. Yeah, okay. He got it now. And it was only day four.

By the time he’d finished his pity party in the shower, the sun was out, and the other islanders were waking up. Perrie squinted her eyes at him from their bed. 

“You were up early.”

Louis shrugged. “Didn’t sleep too well.”

“Yeah, I know,” Perrie said pointedly. Louis grimaced.

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to keep you up.”

She reached out and tousled his still wet hair. “It’s fine, Lou. Are you okay?”

Louis gave her a quick smile and purposely shook his hair out, drops of water spraying Perrie across the face. She let out an indignant noise. “I’m good, Pez, just feeling a little homesick.”

“Aw, Lou, c’mere,” Perrie held out her arms, and Louis fell into them willingly. He didn’t care if the other islanders thought he was weak for missing his home. In that moment, he needed her comfort like he needed air to breathe. He may not have romantic feelings for Perrie, but she was a good friend nonetheless. 

“Thanks,” Louis whispered, and guilt pierced him again, heavily. She didn’t deserve this; he knew he should tell her how he felt. His head was scrambled as it was though, and he feared what would happen if he lost her. He was just a selfish prick. 

Louis sighed. He’d tell her. He would. Just not yet. 

* * *

Harry was in the kitchen again. Louis went to stand right next to him at the stove, peering over his shoulder. “What’s for breakfast today, Harold?” 

“Oatmeal,” Harry said happily, turning to face Louis. 

Louis wrinkled his nose. Harry rolled his eyes, but his smile betrayed his amusement. “Come on, Lou. It’s good for you.”

“Precisely,” Louis grumbled, watching Harry stir a veritable  _ vat _ of sludge in a pot. 

“You won’t die if you eat a healthy meal now and then.” Harry said, raising an eyebrow. “Not to mention I make  _ really  _ good oatmeal, so if you don’t eat it you’ll be missing out.” 

“One,” Louis began, “I eat healthy meals  _ all  _ the time. I’m like… like one of those soccer moms that drinks green juice and goes to yoga and stuff.”

Harry looked at him skeptically. “You drink green juice? And do yoga.” His tone was flat and disbelieving. Louis made a face.

“Okay,  _ no,  _ I just meant that--” Louis stopped, glaring. Harry was laughing now, giggling into his pot of oatmeal. 

“You wouldn’t be caught dead with a green juice, Lou.” He said through his laughter. 

“ _ Fine _ , you caught me. I hate green juice and yoga and I think oatmeal looks like puke. There.” Louis crossed his arms, trying and failing to hold a scowl on his face. “As I was  _ saying _ , before you so rudely interrupted,” he continued, giving Harry a pointed look. Harry raised his arms in surrender. “Obviously I’m going to eat your gross oatmeal. Obviously. But only because you made it. And you can’t be mad when I hate it.”

Harry’s expression was positively gleeful. He went back to stirring his pot of sludge, biting down on his bottom lip to keep his smile from getting too big. Louis’ eyes caught on Harry’s mouth and his breath hitched. Just a bit, too quietly for Harry to notice. God, Harry’s mouth was sinful. He forced himself to look away. What the fuck? What the fuck. 

Twenty minutes later found Harry and Louis sitting closely at the table together with matching bowls of oatmeal. The rest of the islanders weren’t as anti-oatmeal as Louis had been, and when they came into the kitchen to fill their bowls with a chorus of thank you’s, Harry shot Louis a look as if to say  _ “See? I know what I’m doing.”  _ Louis rolled his eyes. He looked dubiously down into his sludge bowl. 

“Try it.” Harry ordered, watching Louis carefully. Harry had topped the bowl with fresh fruit and peanut butter (and some chocolate chips, at Louis’ insistence), and it actually looked pretty enticing. Not that he would tell Harry that. He took a bite. Harry stared him down, waiting for the verdict.

“Okay, it’s good.” Louis said after a moment, feeling defeated. “You win, stupid health freak.” Harry stood up and let out a loud cheer, startling the other islanders in the vicinity. “ _ God _ , shut up!” Louis giggled, pulling Harry back down next to him. His curls were wild, strewn across his face, and Louis reached a hand out unthinkingly and pushed a strand of it behind his ear. Harry’s smile faded slowly, and he just stared at Louis. Louis pulled his hand back as if he were burned, his eyes wide. “I, uh-- Sorry.” He said quickly.  _ Stupid, stupid, stupid _ . 

Harry grabbed his hand under the table, shaking his head. “Hey, it’s fine.” He squeezed once, then let go. His eyebrows furrowed in concern when he saw Louis’ panicked expression. “It’s really fine, Lou.” 

“I’m just gonna--” Louis made a gesturing motion over his shoulder and left the table as quickly as his feet would allow him, oatmeal forgotten. He didn’t look back, didn’t want to see Harry’s face. 

* * *

Louis sat alone in the bedroom, wondering what the fuck had gotten into him and what the fuck he was going to do. God, the look on Harry’s face. He’d gone and fucked up the only good thing to come out of this fucking reality show. Oh  _ god _ , thousands of people were going to watch that moment back when the show aired. Would they air that? Fucking shit. He let his head fall into his hands, squeezed his eyes shut. He was in way over his head here. Maybe he really should leave. 

Deep breaths. It really wasn’t that big of a deal. So he’d brushed a strand of his friend’s hair out of his face, so what? Except maybe it was time for Louis to finally admit to himself that he’d been harboring some feelings for Harry that were slightly out of the realm of friendship. As in, Louis maybe thought he could see himself kissing Harry, and holding his hand and cuddling with him in bed at night, and doing decidedly not-just-friend things.

Fuck. Of all the times to have a sexuality crisis, why did it have to be on national television? Was he gay? Bi? He’d had relationships with women before and they were always… fine. Nothing to write home about, but how could he have lived twenty five years without having an inkling that he might be into men?  _ Whatever _ . All he knew was that he was definitely interested in Harry, and everything else was background noise. Louis was really, really fucked.

* * *

Louis really wasn’t supposed to be spending his entire day in the bedroom. He should have been socializing, chatting up Perrie, gossiping with the rest of the islanders. It was expected of him; the producers had made it clear that they were to be socializing for most of their time in the villa. But he just couldn’t deal with any of that today. He was having a goddamn revelation about his own sexuality, for Christ’s sake. And it was all being filmed. 

Liam walked into the bedroom then, interrupting Louis’ inner diatribe. It was as good a time as any to be fair; Louis was close to driving himself mad with his own thoughts. 

“Hey, mate.” Liam said in passing, heading toward his own bed. Louis nodded in greeting. Liam paused, taking in Louis’ tense demeanor. “You okay?”

“Fine, just needed a bit of a break from...” Louis waved his fingers in the air in lieu of an explanation. 

Liam nodded in understanding, worry creasing his brows. “Well, if you ever need to talk...”

Louis gave him a tight smile. “Thanks mate. Means a lot. You enjoying yourself?” 

Liam brightened instantly. “Yeah. Megan is… God, she’s just so cool. She makes me feel so comfortable, and like. Yeah, it’s just really, really good.”

Louis gave him a more genuine smile then, even if he wished he could talk about Harry like that. “That’s great. Happy for you, mate.” 

Liam gave him a soft pat on the back. “Thank you. And again, if you ever want to talk, seriously. I’m here.” 

Louis was nearly at the point where he teared up at the offer. Not quite, but nearly. The people here really weren’t a bad sort.

* * *

Alright. Socializing time. Louis was totally capable of this. Once he’d calmed down and gotten his head on a little straighter (or well… not  _ straighter _ , per se), he left the bedroom and did what he always did when things got a little too hard to process; he ignored it. 

He was an absolute expert at denial. Truly, if there was a category for it in the Guinness Book of World Records, he’d be in it. He was not one to be outdone. When Louis’ parents got divorced, he pretended it hadn’t happened for a good three years. He was ace at tricking himself into believing things. (He won’t mention the two subsequent years that he spent in complete emotional turmoil; denial can’t last forever.)

As soon as he walked outside, his stomach began doing cartwheels. Harry was somewhere out here, and if Louis had any self preservation instincts at all, he’d do everything in his power to avoid him. 

Naturally, his feet led him directly to the daybed where Harry was sat.

“Lou!” Harry’s expression was pure sunshine. Louis fought not to roll his eyes, because honestly,  _ where  _ had they found this boy? He was wearing a pair of yellow swim shorts that were indecently short, riding up to his upper thighs. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, and his body shone with a light layer of sweat. Louis was going to die. 

“Hiya, Haz.” The nickname slipped out without his permission. He perched on the edge of the daybed, not daring to get any closer to the curly headed boy. 

“Where have you been?” Harry asked, nearly pouting. He was sat up against the headboard, sunglasses resting on his head, pushing his wild hair out of his face. 

“Oh, you know. Out and about.” Louis gestured vaguely to the rest of the villa. 

“Guess what?” Harry whispered, leaning closer to Louis. Louis tried not to tense up, but he could smell Harry’s faint cologne and feel the heat of his body. He was so beyond screwed.

“What?” Louis whispered back, turning to face Harry. He couldn’t help the broad smile that spread across his face. Harry was beaming, his nose scrunching up like it did whenever he was excited. 

“I saw Cleo! She was hiding behind the bins, and she sat in my lap for a while.” Harry sighed wistfully. “It was the best thing that’s happened in the villa so far. Apart from meeting you, of course.”

Louis nearly choked. God, he couldn’t just  _ say  _ things like that. He knew Harry meant it differently than Louis wanted him to mean it, but a warm heat spread through his body regardless. Harry had a cheeky smile on his face, and Louis flicked his dimple. 

“Why wasn’t I invited?” Louis asked indignantly.

“Well,” Harry stared pointedly at him. “You were  _ out and about _ , as you so eloquently put it.”

Louis flicked his dimple again. Harry grabbed onto his finger, holding tight. “Stop doing that!” 

“I can’t help it!” Louis exclaimed. “It’s so flickable!” 

“Is that even a word?” 

“I dunno. Now it is. Ladies and gentlemen behold, the most flickable dimple in the world!” He used his free hand to flick his dimple again, and Harry fell into a heap of giggles. Louis grinned fondly at him. 

“Come here, you menace.” Harry grabbed Louis around the waist and pulled him down to the bed. Before Louis knew what was happening, he found himself tangled around Harry, every inch of their skin touching.  _ Friendly. This is  _ friendly, he had to remind himself. And it was nice. There was no denying how nice it felt to be wrapped around Harry, his strong arms surrounding him. He let out a soft sigh and turned his head to face Harry. 

“Oops.” Harry grinned at him, their faces so close that Louis could count his eyelashes if he wanted.

“Hi.” Louis whispered. Harry reached out a hand and brushed his thumb across Louis’ cheek. Louis’ breath stuttered.

“Eyelash,” Harry whispered, holding up the evidence. “Make a wish?”

“Oi, what are you two lovebirds getting up to? Louis, are you cheating on me already?”

Perrie appeared at the foot of the bed, an amused expression on her face. Louis shot up immediately, her words hitting too close to home. “Pez! Hi. Harry has very flickable dimples.”

Perrie raised her eyebrows, glancing at Harry. “Is that so?” 

“Yes, try it out!” Louis said, pushing Harry towards her.

Harry glared at Louis, affronted. “Hey, you can’t just offer up my dimple to people without my permission!”

“I’m sorry. Harry, can Perrie flick your dimple?”

Harry let out a long, contemplative sigh. “I suppose.” He grinned and turned to face Perrie, giving her an imploring look. “Be gentle with me.”

Perrie flicked Harry in the dimple, her eyes narrowed. She gave him a thoughtful look and hummed. “You two are weird.” 

“Takes one to know one,” Louis muttered, flicking Harry in the dimple again. 

“Try that one more time, Lou, I swear.” 

* * *

That evening was weird. The thing about just starting to come to terms with your sexuality is that it’s fucking  _ weird _ . It’s like your whole world has suddenly flipped in a different direction, and you find yourself questioning things about your past and the people you’ve been with and the people who maybe you  _ wanted  _ to be with, but didn’t realise at the time. Louis had a lot on his mind, and there was one surefire way he knew how to stop thinking: get drunk.

Louis always thought there was an alcohol limit on Love Island, and there sort of is; you never see anybody get shit-faced on the show, but that’s only because the producers keep an eye on things. There also aren’t any spirits available at the villa; only beer and wine. But there’s no hard and fast “two drink rule” or anything. If you know how to be sneaky, and you have the right sort of friends, you can figure out a way to get drunk on Love Island. 

Louis was on his third drink of the night, and well on his way to tipsy. There were benefits to being a lightweight. When his drink was empty, he’d stolen Zayn’s wine right out of his hands. He didn’t complain; Zayn wasn’t much of a drinker, and besides, he owed him for talking him off the Love Island ledge multiple times over the past few days. 

Louis was sitting on one of the beanbag chairs by the pool, Megan and Liam cuddled up on a chair of their own. They were sickeningly adorable. Or maybe adorably sickening. One of the two. Whenever they kissed, he made extra loud slurping noises with his wine to drown out the sounds until Liam threw a throw pillow at him. “Ow.” He muttered, and flipped him the bird. He quite liked Liam.

Across the villa, he noticed Harry making his way over to one of the daybeds where Perrie and Amy were sat. He watched as Harry pulled Perrie for a chat, up on the balcony where another daybed was hidden. What the fuck? 

Okay, no. Harry and Perrie? What the actual ever loving fuck was that? Was Harry into Perrie? He hadn’t said anything; but of course he wouldn’t have said anything, Louis was coupled with Perrie. Holy shit, maybe Harry had been into Perrie this whole time and all of his friendly banter (flirting?) with Louis had just been a ploy. Except that wouldn’t make sense. Would it?

God, maybe Louis shouldn’t have grabbed that third glass of wine. He wasn’t even on the spectrum of drunk, but nothing made sense and maybe this would be easier with a clearer head.

Fuck, why wouldn’t Perrie be into Harry? He was the whole fucking package; he was beautiful, charming, sweet, funny. One minute he seemed childlike and innocent, in love with the world, and the next he’d pull out a cheeky line and make you want to rip all of your clothes off. Louis was sure there wasn’t a person on earth who could resist Harry’s draw. 

Louis felt like an absolute idiot. Harry liked Perrie. Not him. Obviously not him; they were on a straight fucking reality show, he came here to meet a woman. Obviously. 

“Mate, y’alright?” 

It was Liam. Louis took a breath and realized he was clutching his cup tightly to his chest, his knuckles white. “Mmm. Yeah, I’m fine.” Louis murmured, loosening his grip and relaxing back into his chair. 

Whatever. Harry wasn’t into him, it was fine. It’s not like there was any hope there anyways. He just didn’t think Harry would crack on with the girl he was coupled with without letting him know first. He’d thought they were closer than that. He shook the thought away and turned away from the balcony, his heart heavy.

About half a glass of wine later, Harry and Perrie emerged from the balcony stairs. Louis tried not to look, then gave up and tried to find any hint of evidence on Harry’s face that they’d been up to something. He wasn’t flushed or anything. His lips were full and red, but that wasn’t anything new. He didn’t look guilty, and he and Perrie were stood far enough apart that it looked innocent. He wondered what they’d talked about. Maybe it was all in his head that Harry wanted to crack on with her, but what other explanation was there to pull her for a private chat?

Shit. Harry was making a beeline straight for Louis. Louis stood up swiftly, spilling a bit of his drink on his trousers and sending a silent thank you to the gods for white wine. “Harry.”

Harry smiled his cheeky smile at him, and something inside Louis snapped. He grabbed Harry by the wrist and dragged him inside the villa, to the L shaped couch. The room was mercifully empty. 

“What--” Harry started, and Louis turned to glare at him, letting go of his wrist. 

“What the fuck, Harry? Are you cracking on with Perrie now? Why wouldn’t you just tell me you were interested in her? I have to just sit there and watch you pull her for a chat, without even a ‘oh hey Louis, by the way, I know we’ve become close in here and everything, but I’m gonna go ahead and graft with Pez because I’m not interested in my bird’ what the actual fuck? I thought -- I don’t know, I thought…” Louis trailed off, not wanting to finish that thought.

“What?” Harry asked, stepping closer to Louis. “What did you think?”

Louis took a step back, widening the gap between them. He shook his head.

“Louis. Come with me.” Harry said. It sounded like a demand. He held his hand out, and Louis shook his head again, crossing his arms over his chest stubbornly. Harry let out an exasperated sigh and grabbed Louis’ arm, pulling him outside. Louis yelped. 

“What the  _ fuck -- _ ” 

“Shh. Not here. Just… come on.” Harry whispered, still pulling Louis along. He stopped suddenly, at the edge of the villa. They were surrounded by shadows, and Louis shivered.

Harry turned around and reached for Louis’ waist. Louis flinched, but Harry simply unclipped the mic pack from around his waist, and Louis started. “What are you --”

Harry shook his head, putting a finger to his lips, and Louis closed his mouth automatically. He unclipped his own mic, and set both of them on the ground. Then he grabbed Louis by the arm again and pulled him around the corner of the villa.

“What the  _ hell  _ are you doing?” Louis asked, pulling his arm back. “I’m not going anywhere else with you until you tell me what’s going on.”

“We’re here anyways.” Harry sighed, running a hand through his curls. “I just wanted to get away from the cameras for a second. One of the producers told me this was one of the few blind spots. Weird, really, that she’d tell me that, but I dunno. She was really nice.” He shrugged and smiled wryly, then stopped when he saw Louis’ hard expression. 

“Louis. I wasn’t cracking on with Perrie. I wanted --” He let out a breath, then started again. “I wanted to know what she thought about you, if you guys were like, solid… If you’d given her any reason to think that she was the person you’d come in here for.” He stepped closer. Louis’ back was against the wall of the villa. He held his breath and stared at Harry.

“Louis…” Harry breathed, stepping closer still. His feet were touching Louis’, his arms bracketing Louis against the wall. They were so, so tantalizingly close. Louis licked his lips, his gaze flicking to Harry’s mouth. He swallowed. “Tell me if this isn't okay. Is this okay?” Harry’s voice cracked. His words were spoken softly, barely a whisper. Louis’ lips parted. He could feel the heat of Harry’s breath on his skin.

Louis nodded. Harry leaned in and closed the gap between them, sealing their lips together. It started soft, just a gentle brush of lips, and it was enough to make Louis’ pulse skyrocket. Then Louis nudged his tongue against the seam of Harry’s lips and Harry opened for him, tangling his fingers into Louis’ hair. Louis whined and gripped Harry by the waist, his fingertips reaching for the bare skin underneath his shirt. His nerve endings were shot, heat blossoming through his whole body, and he gasped for air. “Harry,” he choked, letting his hands wander up his shirt, scratching fingernails against his back. Harry pressed against him, every part of them touching and it still wasn’t enough.

Harry broke away, panting. “I’ve wanted to kiss you for five days,” he whispered, dropping his head to Louis’ shoulder. “I always want to kiss you.” 

Louis’ heart stuttered in his chest. “God, Harry. You’re… God,” he choked off, giggling slightly. 

Harry smirked slightly. “Harry is fine.” 

Louis flicked his dimple and squeaked when Harry turned to bite his finger. “No fair,” 

“All’s fair in love and war,” Harry countered with a cheeky grin, and leaned in to kiss Louis again. 


	4. Chapter 4

Kissing Harry was like nothing Louis could have imagined. It was so much, he felt it in every part of his body. It was addictive. A fucking drug. How in the fuck had he managed twenty five years without knowing what he was missing? A part of him mourned for past Louis, the one who thought kissing girls was enough for him. The one who had never even spared a thought to the possibility that maybe he wasn’t straight. Holy fuck, was kissing boys always like this? Or was it just Harry? His head was spinning.

They’d collected their mic packs and wandered back into the villa before anyone could raise suspicions. Louis thought about the person who told Harry about the camera-free zone, wondering why someone would actively encourage him to break the rules. He wondered what would happen if they were caught, and then stuttered to a halt. Obviously they’d be caught -- the rest of the villa was crawling with cameras, they must have been seen slipping off their mic packs and sneaking to the villa’s blind spot. God, Louis’ head hurt. His whole body was wound up in knots, the anxiety coming back full force once the cameras were back on them. He tried to breathe, and found that it was like sucking through a straw. He was full on panicking, and doing everything in his power not to let it show.

Despite his best efforts, Harry noticed his state of distress immediately and cast him a worried glance, brows furrowed. “Lou?” 

Louis shook his head and smiled tightly. “‘M fine, just. Gonna go... freshen up.” He waved his hand in the vague direction of the bathroom and looked away, not willing to meet Harry’s eyes. “Be right back. Go mingle, have fun.”

He didn’t stay to watch Harry’s face fall.

* * *

Louis clutched the side of the bathroom counter, staring at himself in the mirror. What the fuck was wrong with him? He’d wanted to kiss Harry so bad; he still wanted to kiss him. Still, the anxiety was tugging at his chest, and it’s not that he was even confused anymore; he wasn’t confused, not at all. He wanted to kiss Harry, and only Harry. All the time. Endlessly. But he was on a fucking reality show about dating. Where he was meant to be dating a woman. There was no place for gay people on Love Island, and maybe he was willing to admit to himself now that that’s what he was. Gay. Very fucking gay. An absolute flaming homosexual. He let out a derisive laugh, which turned into a helpless groan. 

He should leave. He really should leave the show. This was not good for his mental health, and he definitely wasn’t ready to come out to the whole fucking country before coming out to his own mum. He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, trying to hold back the tears. 

Here’s the thing. Despite all of the torment and agonizing self doubt Louis was experiencing, he didn’t _want_ to leave. He couldn’t bring himself to leave Harry. Just the thought of it made his chest ache. 

Soon enough, Louis heard commotion from outside the bathroom and realized it was probably time to get ready for bed. God, he was going to be in so much shit for going off on his own, once again. He didn’t know if he could really get into _trouble_ here; it’s not like there was a strict rule that you had to be socializing 24/7. But he knew that they were encouraged to spend time with the other islanders as much as possible, and he really didn’t want to get told off by the fucking Love Island police. Ugh.

Later, as he curled up beside Perrie, he thought about Harry’s lips, how everything seemed to fall away when they were kissing, and about what it meant that Harry hadn’t brought him his usual cup of tea that night.

* * *

**Day 5**

Louis woke up feeling like absolute shit. He’d spent another night tossing and turning because his brain just _wouldn’t turn off_ , and he was sure he’d kept Perrie awake once again. He stretched out his aching limbs and sighed. Another day in the Love Island villa.

Louis headed straight for the workout area when he left the bedroom, passing Harry and his breakfast spread without a second glance. He swallowed his guilt and stared down at the bench press. He didn’t even like the gym. He’d much rather play footie or go on a run, but he needed to let out some steam, and this seemed as good a way as any. 

It’s not that he didn’t want to talk to Harry; he desperately wanted to talk to him. He just knew he wouldn’t be able to talk to him without bringing up what had happened last night, and he wasn’t ready to be outed to the entire country, including his mum and siblings. He wondered what Harry was thinking; if he thought Louis regretted kissing him. If he regretted kissing Louis.

God, he wanted to punch something. Reality television was fucking stupid. How the fuck had Niall gotten him to agree to this in the first place?

* * *

Anxiety gnawed at Louis for the rest of the day. He’d be sitting with Zayn, having an inane conversation about Cara or their respective footie teams, and Harry would catch his eye. He’d be pushing Ed into the pool, and Harry would purse his lips, probably thinking of the day they spent trying to tackle each other into the water. The raw emotion on Harry’s face felt like a brick to Louis’ stomach, and he averted his eyes. He couldn’t find the words to make it right, and he knew better than to try. 

Later, Perrie pulled him aside for a chat. She dragged him back to the bedroom, and sat on the floor in front of their bed. He took a tentative seat beside her, chewing his lip apprehensively. He didn’t know why she’d brought him all the way upstairs for a chat. She turned to look at him, a strand of her blonde hair falling into her face. Louis didn’t reach out to tuck it behind her ear.

“Lou, is everything okay between you and Harry?” She looked nervous, sort of guilty, playing with her fingers distractedly. “I just, I know you saw him come pull me for a chat last night, and I don’t want you to think there’s anything going on there.”

Oh, God. “What?” Louis gaped, turning fully to look at her. “Pez, no--”

“Because there isn’t, and I don’t want you to think I wouldn’t tell you something like that. Like, I dunno why Harry wanted to talk to me, and maybe he is trying to crack on or something, but I wouldn’t try to come between you and him. You two just... light up when you’re together, and I don’t want to be the reason you stop being friends. He’s been moping around like a kicked puppy all day, and you’ve not been much better.”

“Pez…” Louis didn’t know what to say. He really was such a dick. In less than twenty four hours, he’d managed to make both Harry and Perrie miserable. He rubbed a hand over his face and sighed. “It’s not like that. I… I don’t know why Harry’s upset, but we’re fine. Really.”

Perrie gave him a skeptical look.

“Really, we’re fine! I mean, I dunno, maybe I was a little annoyed with him for pulling you to chat without talking to me first, but…” Louis grimaced. He didn’t want to lie to her. He _had_ been annoyed when Harry took Perrie to the balcony, but that had nothing to do with why he’d been avoiding Harry like the plague. “It’s no big deal, really.” Louis pasted on a smile, hoping she’d let the subject drop.

Perrie narrowed her eyes, but she seemed to accept that she’d get nothing else out of him, and sighed. “What a weird place, huh?”

Louis let out a surprised laugh and then hummed in agreement. “I feel like I’m in the twilight zone. I can’t believe we’re not even allowed to ask what time it is, my concept of reality is completely shattered.” She giggled and they soon fell back into their easy banter, taking turns poking fun at each other and the other islanders.

They ended up with their legs tangled together, which didn’t mean anything to Louis; he was a very tactile person, especially with his friends. He allowed himself a moment of guilt, knowing Perrie was wasting her time with him. He really should tell her how he felt. He would do it soon. 

Perrie reached up and brushed Louis’ hair off his forehead, trailing off mid-sentence. He hadn’t even been paying attention to what she was saying. 

“What?” He asked, hoping she hadn’t noticed his mind wandering.

“I said I like your hair like this… soft, not all painstakingly styled.” Perrie was biting her bottom lip now, and she dropped her hand down to his cheek, rubbing her thumb softly against his light stubble. 

“I--” Louis didn’t know what to do. He knew she was going to kiss him, and he had half a mind to let her. Then she leaned in, and a vision of Harry, wild hair and red lips, popped into his head. He jolted away from her, stammering something unintelligible and running his fingers through his hair. 

Perrie sat back on her heels, eyes widening and then narrowing slightly. “Okay, what the fuck _is_ that?” She crossed her arms, annoyance and hurt flickering across her face.

“I’m sorry, I--” Louis started, and Perrie cut him off angrily.

“No, Louis, we’ve been in here together for five days and you haven’t _once_ tried to make a move. Nothing. Is it me? Because you’ve given me no indication that this isn’t what you want, and I don’t want to waste my time in here with someone who isn’t interested.” Her face was flushed with fury, but her lip trembled and she scrunched her nose as if she was trying to hold back tears.

Louis was full on panicking now. “I-- I can’t,” he stumbled over his words, not knowing how to explain without telling her everything, and knowing that if he told her everything, he’d also be telling the whole world. She was giving him the perfect opportunity to come clean, to tell her like he’d promised he would. He wanted to give her an honest answer, he desperately wanted to, but when he opened his mouth the words wouldn’t come. He staggered to his feet, feeling entirely disconnected from his body and the world around him. There wasn’t anything he could do to make this better. There were no easy solutions here. He had to tell her the truth, or let her stew in her own insecurities. Everything felt so messed up.

God, he just needed a fucking _minute_. A minute away from the prying eyes of the cameras and the producers, a minute away from the constant barrage of thoughts in his head. 

“Louis?” Perrie was crying now, still sitting on the floor in defeat.

“Perrie,” Louis’ voice cracked, and he sniffled, unable to hold back his own tears. “I can’t talk about this right now,” he whispered, knowing it wasn’t enough. He gritted his teeth, wiping his eyes angrily, and ran out of the room, leaving a devastated girl in his wake. He was always running away.

* * *

As soon as he stepped outside, Nina approached him. She looked uncomfortable. 

“Hey Louis, they want you to come in for a confessional,” she said softly. Her expression made it clear that she’d seen what just happened with Perrie.

“Now?” Louis choked out angrily. Fuck reality show producers and their insatiable hunger for drama.

“Yeah. Sorry, I know it’s not ideal but they want your reaction to be as authentic as possible.” Nina bit her lip, her eyes wide and imploring. 

“God. Fuck this whole thing,” Louis mumbled, knowing he wouldn’t be aired talking to a member of production. She gave him a pained smile and took him by the elbow. 

“Come on, let’s just get it over with.”

Louis nodded, pursing his lips. Harry met his eye from across the yard, his brows furrowed in concern. _You okay?_ He mouthed. Louis shook his head and looked away, chewing his bottom lip raw. 

* * *

“Alright Louis, tell us about what happened in there, how you’re feeling, why you won’t kiss Perrie. We want to really get into your head here.” The producer clapped his hands together, and Louis could practically feel the anticipation dripping from him. He wrinkled his nose in distaste and kept quiet. He didn’t have anything to say, and if he lost them viewers, so be it. 

“Come on Louis, just a little bit of how you’re feeling,” the producer wheedled. Louis shot him a glare through red rimmed eyes. He was _not_ in the mood for this, he didn’t care what contracts he signed.

After a few more minutes of unsuccessful prodding and coaxing, Nina pulled the producer aside and whispered something in his ear. He pursed his lips, but nodded once. 

Nina motioned for Louis to get up and follow her, and he did so reluctantly. He knew this conversation probably wouldn’t go anywhere, but he’d do almost anything to get out of that chair. 

She stopped just outside the hut and turned to Louis, eyebrows raised expectantly. “Alright, what’s going on with you?”

Louis glowered and stuck out his bottom lip in a pout like a petulant child. “Nothing. Just don’t wanna do this right now.”

Nina sighed, running a hand through her short red hair. She looked especially young in that moment, like she could just be another student stressed about her A levels. “I get that, really. And… listen, I won’t tell anyone anything you say out here, it’ll just be between you and me. But I can’t help you without knowing what’s going on. And, well, tell me if I’m wrong, but I have a feeling it might have something to do with Harry.”

Louis’ eyes shot up at that, and he looked at her in alarm. “Why would you say that?” 

She gave him a slightly timid smile, and shrugged. “I see the way you look at each other. Also, I assumed, what with the both of you taking off your mic packs and sneaking off to one of our very limited blind spots.” 

Louis looked stricken, a panicked flush crawling up his face. 

“I don’t think anyone else knows,” Nina quickly continued, seeing the look on his face. “The other islanders definitely don’t. And I don’t think anyone else on the crew was paying attention when you snuck off; there were other things happening that night that took precedent. I just happen to have a slight soft spot for the both of you. Also, um,” she let out a nervous chuckle, her cheeks turning slightly pink. “I may have told Harry where he could go to get away from the cameras?” 

Louis’ mouth fell open. “You _what?_ ”

Nina shushed him and rolled her eyes. “Don’t you dare tell anyone I told you that. He’s charming, okay? I couldn’t help it.”

And God, did Louis know exactly how that felt.

* * *

Nina managed to get him released after only a few questions, which he answered as vaguely as he could manage.

“Um, just not so sure I’m feeling the spark between Perrie and I. I just don’t like rejecting people… so it’s getting to that uncomfortable period where I know I should be honest, but I don’t want to hurt her feelings.”

The producer nodded tersely, clearly frustrated that he wasn’t getting the juicy drama-fest he’d anticipated. Louis had little sympathy to spare for the man. 

Nina led him back to the villa, but before they arrived she pulled him aside once again. “Look, Louis.” She looked uncomfortable. “I’m not sure what’s going on in your head exactly, but you don’t seem happy to be here. It seems like a lot of unnecessary pressure and stress, and I just want to ask -- do you think it’d be easier if you just went home? No prying eyes to analyze your every move...” she trailed off, clearly unsure how to continue.

Louis shifted his gaze away from her, pausing for a moment to gather his thoughts. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying not to let his fear show through. “I’m not going to pretend I haven’t thought about it. It would be a lot easier, but… I can’t just leave him, Nina. Maybe that’s selfish, but… I can’t. Not like this.” 

Nina nodded in understanding, smiling slightly, and continued walking. “I’ll do everything I can to help, then.” Louis didn’t know what exactly that meant, but he was grateful. He trusted her, he realized, and it felt good to have someone on his side. 

* * *

Dinner was relatively hushed that night. Everyone was focused on the recoupling that was happening that evening, which Louis had completely forgotten about. He spared a brief thought that maybe he should be worried, with the way he and Perrie left things, but he was immediately distracted by Harry walking over to him.

Fuck. Okay, moment of truth. There weren’t any cameras on them; he and Harry could speak openly about their kiss, what it meant, how they felt. He felt nervous anticipation bubble up inside of him, and he was halfway out of his seat before Harry even reached him. 

“Hi.” Harry’s bottom lip was pulled between his teeth. 

“Hi.” Louis gave him a timid smile. 

“Can we talk?” Harry spoke in a hushed tone, and it heightened the natural rasp in his voice. Louis swallowed nervously. 

“Um, yeah, ‘course.” He glanced around to double check that they couldn’t be overheard, and pulled out a chair for Harry. 

“I’m sorry I was avoiding you today.” Louis started, casting his gaze down. His guilt was palpable, and it washed over them like the moonlight overhead. 

“It’s okay, I. I mean it didn’t feel good, but… I get it.” Harry pursed his lips, as if gathering the courage to say whatever was on his mind. “Look, I’m sorry if I pushed you, or made you feel uncomfortable or anything. I… I cherish our friendship, and I wouldn’t want to do anything to put that at risk.” He looked painfully earnest in that moment, and Louis wanted to reach out and gather him into his arms. He didn’t.

Louis shook his head firmly. “You didn’t push me, Harry. I wanted it just as much as you did.”

Harry took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. “Okay, that’s. Yeah, that’s good. I would never have wanted to push you into doing something you didn’t want to do.”

Louis did reach out then, grabbing one of Harry’s hands and holding it between both of his. He cast a furtive glance around the room, and saw that none of the producers were even aware of them. “You didn’t.” He said it fiercely, holding Harry’s gaze. He needed Harry to know how serious he was; how much he’d wanted it. 

Harry nodded, and extricated his hand gently. “Good. So… friends, then?”

 _Friends?_ A million things ran through Louis’ mind then. Things he could say, things he _should_ say, anything to make Harry reconsider. _But I want more,_ he thought desperately. _I want to hold your hand, and run my fingers through your hair._ His stomach felt like lead. _I want to wear your sweaters and take stupid pictures with you and hold you when you’re sad._ He didn’t say anything. _I want to kiss every part of you._ Harry looked so hopeful. His eyes were searching Louis’ and his brows knit together in a question. 

He thought about the cameras, his own paralyzing fear about his newly discovered identity, and how difficult it would make things for them if Louis gave Harry any answer other than the one he was looking for. He thought about what it would be like if Louis told him how he felt, and he thought about the fact that he’d only known this boy for five days. 

Louis gave Harry a tight smile, choking back everything he was aching to say. “Sure. Friends.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Again, I'm still new to all of this, so any feedback is welcome :)


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